Late Night Thoughts.
I don’t really expect you to understand, but I wish you did.
You are an autonomous striver with hidden strength.
Your responses indicate a desire to overcome a persistent feeling of emptiness or dissatisfaction. You believe life should have more to offer, and fear you have somehow not achieved everything you deserve.
Your desire for legitimate respect and success has led to increasing anxiety. Consequently, you no longer exhibit some of the friendliness and openness for which you were once known.
Similarly, you fear being overly influenced by others. You are often fiercely independent, which sometimes leads to being resistant to the opinions of friends and relatives — even to the point of denying what you fear may actually be true.
This behavior stems from your wish to be regarded as an authority. It leads you to react strongly when you suspect you might be wrong. At times you feel that too much is being asked of you, and that you are not properly recognized for your efforts. This situation — be it fueled by others’ jealousy or negligence — adds to the stress in your life.
Luckily, your determination is unyielding. Unlike others facing similar adversity, you forge ahead despite the challenges. Through strength of will or simple endurance, you are unique in your ability to withstand the troubles of a complicated life.
My dad just came in my room, layed on my floor and told me to talk to him. I said I didn’t have anything to talk about, so he said “how about why hate me.” But it wasn’t in a mad way. It was in a somber, sad tone. I wanted to bust out crying and tell him it’s because he isn’t the same dad I loved when I was a little daddy’s girl. That it’s because he says things to me that he doesn’t remember, even though I can never forget his words like daggers being stabbed into my chest. Because he never listens to what I have to say, and can’t accept the fact that I’m growing up whether he likes it or not. That it’s because I miss the man I used to look up to. But instead I kept my mouth shut as he said ” you know I wouldn’t always be on your case if I didn’t love you and care about you. I’m going to sleep, goodnight,” as he then proceeded to hug me and kiss me on the cheek. That was probably the most heartbreaking moment I’ve had in a while.
Being cheated on is probably the worst feeling possible.
I absolutely hate crying.
- I miss my mom.
- I miss my grandma.
- My summer sucked.
- My last weekend of summer was a waste.
- My relationship is going down the drain faster everyday.
- I have no one to just hold me.
- Everyone is at my sister’s while I’m stuck at home with my asshole of a father.
- I hate my body.
- I’m tired of pretending that I’m happy.
I miss that spark that ignites in two people when they first start talking. You know what I’m talking about? When your stomach turns and your heart stops when you see their name pop up on your phone, or when you walk past them in the hallway. When you want to spend every bit of your free time with them. When you can talk for hours about nothing because you’re getting to know each other. But it seems like as time goes on, every relationship loses that spark way too soon. We become so comfortable with eachother that we forget what it felt like when we were first together. The conversations become shorter, and the time spent together becomes more of a routine. Don’t get me wrong, you still love that person but it’s like you need an energy boost for your relationship. Everything seems the same. Things stop feeling new. They stop feeling as exciting.
I hate you. The only thing you’re good at doing is making me feel like a worthless piece of shit. I wish you would just kick me out already.
Family is the one group of people in this world that’s supposed to make you feel better about all the things that society makes you feel like shit over. But sometimes, it’s not like that. Sometimes they make you feel worse about stuff that you already struggle with, and that…that’s what fucking hurts the most.
It’s 3 in the morning, I’m beyond restless, and my boyfriend is sleeping. Anyone care to talk?
I’m really sick of people who only need me when something’s wrong in their life, but when things are good they want nothing to do with me.
So I think that today I finally realized that I’m not good at anything. I mean, I’ve always thought it, but I just always thought of the ”I know I’m good for something, I just haven’t found it yet” lyrics while being hopeful in thinking that soon enough I’d find something I’m good at. But something hit me today and I think I just finally accepted the fact that I’m not good at anything, nor will I ever be. There’s nothing that I’ve done in my life that I’m so passionate about that makes me go “wow, this is what I want to do everyday for the rest of my life.” Piano? Sure, I enjoy playing it, but I would never want to be in an orchestra. Singing? Yeah, I suppose I’m decent, but I don’t want to be on Broadway. Nursing? Fuck it, my grades suck too much to ever pursue that dream. Cosmetology school? I like doing people’s hair, but it’s not a promising career. Those were basically my only four options and I blew all of them. Oh well. I can settle with moving into a shitty apartment in Minneapolis, playing Open Mic nights in little cafes & bars for fun. I think this plan is better than sitting around doing nothing all day thinking about anything and everything.
So it’s settled then.
My goal in life: fill all of my time with working part time jobs, move out in 2 years, fly to Minnesota, find a decent paying job, move into a little apartment, play Open Mics, and forget the fact that I’ll never do anything better with my life. Sounds like a plan to me.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my relationship but sometimes I miss having a boyfriend who’s super cheesy and lovey dovey. I guess that’s what happens when you’re in a best friend type of relationship even though you’re a huge hopeless romantic.
